Police Blotter

March 14

Drunk of the Week
Who needs St. Patrick’s Day? A 25-year-old Sonoma man was stone drunk on Fourth St. near West Spain at about 7:15 p.m., staggering along the sidewalk and nearly falling into a flowerbed. Standing still, to speak to an officer, was difficult as well. When queried as to the quantity of consumption, he replied, “A 40 (ounce bottle) and half.” A rambling monologue ensued, and the lad was ushered into custody for public intoxication.

Phantom punch
Police missed the actual fight at Steiners, arriving in time to see traces of blood and plenty of hard feelings. One combatant was exiting the tavern at about 7:30 p.m., cloth to bloody nose. He at first denied any scuffle, and said all he wanted to do was go home. Eventually he admitted there had been fight, but was adamant about not identifying the other participants, who of course had vanished. He refused medical attention, too. At that point, not much the cops could offer other than a shrug; no charges were filed.

March 15
No warranty
The man at the wheel of the Toyota Supra tooling down Verano Avenue said he was out for a test drive. The fact that it was just after midnight struck the lawman, who had pulled the car over on a broken light violation, as somewhat strange. No really, said the driver, it’s the passenger’s car, and I’m a mechanic, checking it out. Neither man could produce an ID, and the vehicle ownership could not be identified. The driver, 56, of El Verano, and his sidekick, 31, of Sonoma, both showed signs of being under the influence of a controlled substance, some of which may have been the white crystal residue on a meth pipe found in a search of the car. The driver was booked, his companion cited and released.

March 16
Nude Man of the Week
Of the month. Year. Decade. Chances are this will never happen again – thank goodness – so here goes. An officer on West MacArthur at 2:20 a.m. ran his spotlight along the entrance to the footpath. There, meekly hidden by foliage, was a naked man. The 28-year-old had on not a stitch of clothing, not even shoes. Motive unknown at this point, he was placed in cuffs – a spectacle best left undescribed. He was embarrassed and flustered, but did not seem intoxicated. So why the naked ramble? “I was hot,” he said.
He was escorted back to his nearby home, where his wife, who hadn’t noticed he was gone, confirmed he was not on any medication of the clothes-shedding variety. (He tested negative for drugs and alcohol). He said he had been sleeping under heavy blankets, awoke uncomfortably hot and decided to take a walk. Two words: ceiling fan.

March 17
A man pulling in to his Hayes Street driveway saw a burglar run out of the backyard, toting a pillowcase, and jump into a getaway car. The victim was able to describe the blue Honda Accord to police and supply the license number. The plates turned out to belong to a different Honda, and cops think the car had also been stolen. The burglar forced open a sliding door in the backyard to gain entry to the home. No report yet on what is missing via the bandit’s pillowcase.

St. Patrick’s Day

There was only one arrest, a drunk on the Plaza, but police said the night of festivities was as wild as New Year’s Eve.

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